December 24th: Everything but the Bow

  • Complete
Content Rating:
  • PG
Criminal Minds, NCIS

Derek Morgan/Penelope Garcia/Tony DiNozzo

  • *No Site Warnings Apply
  • Alternate Universe
  • Challenge Response
  • Crossover
  • Established Relationship
  • First Time
  • Multiple Partners
  • Romance
Word Count:

Author's Note:
Prompt: Picking the perfect gift

Penelope’s not great with mysteries. So why is Derek being so mysterious about her present this year?

After a long day of working her magic for the BAU, Penelope packed up her stuff to head home. There was a knock on a door frame before a sultry voice spoke.

“Ready to go home, mama?”

“You know it.”

Derek took her computer bag for her and held out his car keys in exchange. She blinked at them before blinking at him.

“Aww, you must be really tired, huh?” Normally, Derek liked to drive them home. Not that she minded. D.C. traffic could be a nightmare.

“I’m not.” A secretive grin bloom on Derek’s face and he shook the keys at her.

Penelope narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but took the keys. “Hmm. What’s my Hot Chocolate up to?”

“If it works out, you’ll find out soon.”

“Mm-hmm.” Penelope shimmied in excitement as they headed to the elevator. She loved surprises! Well, good surprises. Bad surprises should go the way of used cat litter.

Prentiss got on the elevator with them before the doors closed. “Emily! Derek’s keeping a secret from me. Do you know what it is?”

Derek snorted and shook his head.

Emily smiled at her before studying Derek a little. Both her eyebrows raised in a kind of surprised look. Then she shook her head. “No, sorry I don’t. But, from the look on Derek’s face, I wouldn’t dare pry. Though I’m insanely curious now.”

Penelope moved around to get a better look at Derek, but it was too late. He had on his innocent boy look already. Interesting.

The elevator jolted to a stop and the doors opened to the parking garage.

“You two have a good holiday,” Emily said as she exited.

“You too!” They shared a look and Penelope gave a wink and a nod. Emily smiled and continued to her car.

Derek got out of the elevator first. They went the opposite direction from Emily to get to his car.

“Soooo, can we play twenty questions so I can guess what it is?” She unlocked the car, jumping in the driver’s seat.

Derek got into the passenger side and pulled out his phone. “Nope.”

He typed away on his phone, utterly ignoring her gaping like a fish for a good thirty seconds. “And why not?”

“You’re smart, baby girl. You’ll figure it out if I give you even a little hint.”

Penelope hummed. “Very true.”

When they paused at a stoplight, Penelope tried to read his phone in the reflection of the window. Unfortunately, his privacy screen made it impossible. Penelope pouted a little as she drove, her mind spinning.

“It must be my Christmas present,” she mused. “Must be something big, too, since you’re being so mysterious about it.”

Derek set his phone down and turned on the radio, letting festive music fill the small space. “You think so?”

“Ah, ah, ah!” She wagged her finger at him while keeping her eyes on the road. “No reverse psychology here, Mr. Profiler Man.”

He grinned. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” Derek’s phone chimed and he picked it up again.

Penelope glanced over at Derek texting someone back a few times. He had a grin on his face. As much as she liked surprises, she hated not knowing something. It would have been better if Derek had driven like normal. She wouldn’t have this anxiousness if he had. But Derek wouldn’t have been able to text while driving. She shook her head, hoping the mystery part wouldn’t drag on for too long.

Derek put his phone in his pocket and finally noticed the side-eye Penelope gifted him with. He grinned.

“You’ll like it. I promise.”

“Mm-hmm,” she said, putting the maximum amount of sass possible into the sound. “Do I dare ask what we’re having for dinner?”

“It’s being delivered.”

“And….” She gestured for him to continue. Derek said nothing. “Is dinner also a surprise?”

After appearing to give it some thought, Derek settled on a very enlightening, “Maybe.”

“Mm-hmm,” she sassed again, the corners of her mouth tugging into a little smile. “How long till I know what the surprise is? Please don’t tell me I have to wait till Christmas.” It was just a few days away, but that was a few days too many.

“Not that long.”

“Good. I mean, you know how I feel about not knowing stuff.”

Derek hummed. “I’m sure you have ideas about what it is,” he trailed off, leadingly.

She shook her head, turning into their neighborhood. “Nuh-uh, that’s not how this works. You give me a hint and I’ll give you a hint.”

Derek shrugged. “We’re at an impasse, baby girl. You know I can’t give you a hint.”

Penelope huffed. “I know nothing of the sort.”

He snorted softly.

She pulled into the driveway and parked the car. “Can I at least shower or should I wait for the surprise in my work clothes?”

Derek consulted his phone. “You can shower.”

Thank God for small favors. As much as she loved how cute this sweater looked, it made her sweat like nobody’s business. She headed straight for the shower, shredding clothes as soon as she hit their bedroom. She’d pick them up after her shower. Otherwise it’d drive Derek crazy.

Standing under the spray, Penelope let the hot water wash her worry and the long day away. Honestly, the only thing making her nervous about this is if Derek proposed to her. They’d been dating for four years and working together even longer, but the idea of getting married made her shut down. It might have something to do with her parents’ divorce, but she wasn’t willing to look into it too deeply.

After drying off and picking up her clothes, Penelope dressed in her comfy pants, tank top, and kimono robe. There was a knock on the front door just as she came down the stairs.

“I’ll get it!” Penelope said to Derek as he sauntered in to the living room from the kitchen.

On the other side stood none other than Tony DiNozzo, grinning wide and holding up a big bag of take-out. “Who’s hungry?”

“Oh my God, Tony! I’m so glad to see you,” Penelope enthused, pulling Tony in to the house and hugging him. Tony squeezed her back with one arm. The other still holding the food.

There was a rustling of a plastic bag then Derek said, “Glad you made it, man.”

“Thanks.” With both arms now free, Tony squeezed Penelope properly.

She laughed and pulled away a little. “I thought we’d have to bust you out of OIG if we didn’t hear from you soon.”

Tony squeezed her again before letting go. “I thought so, too, but the case got hot earlier this week. I wrapped it up yesterday.”

“Yay, thank God!” Penelope looped her arm through Tony’s and they followed Derek into the kitchen. “So what are your plans for Christmas?”

“Well, that depends.” Tony said, his face looking too blank in Penelope’s opinion.

They all gathered around the kitchen island. “Oh no, your dad’s not coming into town again, is he?”

Tony made a face. “God, no. Not this year thankfully. Too busy wooing potential wife number seven.”

“Oh, good.” She knew Senior always made Tony miserable. Good thing he wasn’t going to be around his year. Penelope pulled the food bag closer. “So are you part of my present? Derek’s being all mysterious about it,” she teased, checking out the contents of the food bag. It smelled heavenly. Italian, yum!

There was ten seconds of silence before Penelope’s head perked up.

Derek and Tony seemed to be having a conversation via eyes. Her gaze bounced between the two of them. “Oh my God, you are! What is it? Do you have it?” Aside from the food, Tony didn’t seem to bring anything else.

“Would you rather eat first?” Tony suggested, pointing to the food.

She shook her head. “No, it can wait. Please, please, please someone tell me. The suspense is killing me!”

Tony leaned against the island and turned his full attention to Derek, waiting expectantly. That made Penelope look to Derek, too.

“Okay.” Derek nodded. “I had a hard time thinking of a present for you this year.” He leaned forward on the counter. “Until about two weeks ago.”

Penelope frowned. Two weeks ago? She couldn’t really think of anything that stood out from their dealing-with-the-creepos-of-the-country daily life.

“Do you remember the dream you told me about?” Derek prompted, tilting his head toward Tony.

The image of the three of them together in bed together jumped to the front of her mind. Penelope’s cheeks heated up. She did her best to keep her eyes on Derek, not looking at Tony. Too nervous about what Tony knew and how he felt about it. Derek wouldn’t invite Tony over uninformed, right?

“Yes.” She fidgeted with her nails.

Derek continued. “With your permission, Tony and I would like to make your dream come true.”

The heat in Penelope’s cheeks moved up to her ears. “You mean the two of you want to…” she said in a breathy voice, pointing at them before pointing at herself. “With me?” she finished.

Derek and Tony nodded.

Her mouth went slack. As much confidence she had in herself, this wasn’t something that she thought would actually happen to her. “And you’re completely okay with this?” she asked Tony.

Tony grinned and turned, giving her his full attention now. “Absolutely. Nothing would make me happier than bringing pleasure to my Queen,” Tony said with a little bow.

Penelope clenched her hands and closed her eyes, riding out the wave of arousal that slammed into her. Having two of the hottest men in the world treating her like a Queen in bed? Yes, please. This might be the thing that kills her, but what a way to go!

Her eyes were still closed when she heard Tony whisper, “I think we broke her brain… I don’t know how to reboot a Penelope.”

When she opened her eyes, she saw both of them had genuinely worried looks on their faces.

Gently, Penelope lowered herself to her knees, hands together in prayer. “Father God, Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, and all the angels in Heaven – thank you for this delicious gift. I will happily help catch a thous- No. A million more creepos to be a worthy filling in this hot beefcake sandwich. Thank you so, so, so very much. Amen.”

Derek laughed and offered her a hand up. She took it and stood.

Tony sported a grin again with a slight blush on his cheeks. “So we should take that as a yes?”

“Yes! God, yes. Very much yes!” She clapped in excitement. “Derek, sweetie, please put the food in the fridge? I think we’re going to need it more afterward. How much of the dream did he tell you?” she asked Tony.

Tony shrugged. “Just the plot.”

Derek chuckled, picking up the food and taking it to the fridge.

Penelope took Tony’s hand and slowly headed for the bedroom. “Well, let me lay out the scene for you. Our safeword is syringe. You can use it anytime you have a question or feel uncomfortable, we’ll stop and talk about it.” She paused and turned, holding her hand out for Derek. “Come along, my Chocolate Knight.”

Derek slipped his hand into her empty one lifted it to kiss the back of her hand. He had a happy gleam in his eyes that turned a little smug when he glanced over her head at Tony.

Looking between the two of them, Penelope grinned so wide it hurt her cheeks. She returned the favor, kissing Derek’s hand then Tony’s. “This is going to be so much fun!”

Derek and Tony laughed as she pulled them toward the bedroom.


Profilers for Christmas is an anonymous crime drama Advent Calendar featuring both art and stories. Additional information about the challenge can be found here.

About Akane Karasuma

98% Panster, 2% Plotter. Tends to cut up canon like raw chicken. My goal is to write more consistently starting this year.


  1. Great story.

  2. “Hot beefcake sandwich” for the win!

  3. *Giggles* Yeah, I’d be sending up a few hail Marys and Thank you GAWDs too! Thanks for the smiles!!!

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