A Laughing Matter – Chapter 1

“Focus, DiNozzo!” The headslap that accompanied those words was as hard as ever, but instead of yelping, the junior agent shivered.

“Yes, boss.” His tone was lower, huskier than usual.

Gibbs frowned. “Better not be coming down with something,” he said gruffly. “Can’t have Blackadder and you both out sick.”

Tony fidgeted in his seat. “I’m fine, just a little antsy, I guess. Mind if I turn on the air-con?” At Gibbs’ grunt of assent, he did so, sighing as a stream of cool air blew over him.

With one hand, Gibbs tugged the zipper of his NCIS windbreaker up, the other on the wheel as they drove back towards the Navy Yard. After four days away, all he really wanted was to grab a shower and a beer and head down into his basement for an evening of quality time with his boat, but they had paperwork to finish up and a couple of perps to book in. They’d already gotten confessions and directions to the ramshackle barn where an admiral’s daughter was being held; local law enforcement had retrieved her and she was well on her way to being reunited with her family.

It was a job well done, case closed, but Gibbs still felt uneasy. Something wasn’t right, and his gut was telling him it had to do with his newest agent. He pressed down on the gas; the sooner they got back to the Yard, the better.

“Go see Ducky,” Gibbs ordered as the two agents climbed from the car. “Get checked out.”

Tony glanced at the back of the car where the two kidnappers glared sullenly at them. “But–”

“Now, DiNozzo!” Gibbs barked. He rested an arm on the car roof as the young agent sighed, then grabbed his go bag from the footwell and jogged towards the elevator. Moments later, the doors opened and a couple of guards got out and strode towards him. “Take these two up to booking.”

“Yessir,” one of the two replied, then caught himself. “Sorry, Special Agent Gibbs.”

“He’s a bit slow,” the other guard said with a grin, “but he’ll get there eventually.”

Gibbs suppressed a grin of his own as they extricated the men from the back seat and escorted them towards the elevator that would take them to the holding cells. The last thing he heard before the doors closed behind them was, “Don’t call him sir!”

Quickly and efficiently, Gibbs retrieved the box of evidence from the trunk and headed for the evidence garage. The sooner he got it booked in, the sooner he could go question Ducky and find out what was wrong with his agent.

***

Tony strolled into Autopsy and dropped his bag just inside the door. “Hey, Ducky, how’s it going?” He hopped up onto on of the cold metal slabs and sighed in pleasure as the chill sank through his clothes.

The ME turned away from the stock cupboard where he was taking inventory and beamed at the young agent. “Ah, Anthony! My dear boy! May I take it that your presence here is indicative of success?”

“You may indeed,” Tony said magnanimously. “We got the bad guys and the girl is unhurt, just scared, by all accounts.”

“Wonderful news. I take it Gibbs is pleased with the outcome?” Ducky set down his clipboard and pen, his sharp eyes noting the flush on Tony’s cheeks.

“Seems to be,” Tony said with a shrug. “Couple of hours and we might even get to go home for the first time this week.”

“A worthy plan,” Ducky agreed, coming closer. “Not that your presence is unwelcome here, but…”

“Why am I here?” Tony shrugged again, his gaze skittering over the room. “Gibbs sent me.”

Ducky frowned and crossed to the shelves where he kept his medical equipment for use on the living. “Are you feeling unwell?” He slung a stethoscope round his neck, then picked out a thermometer and a blood pressure monitor.

“Actually, I feel fine,” Tony said, frowning, his gaze finally coming to rest on the older man. “Just a little restless, like I could do with going for a run, or maybe doing a bit of sparring, you know?”

“Hmm. One minute,” Ducky said, sliding a cover onto the thermometer and popping the tip into Tony’s ear. It beeped and he checked the reading. “It looks as though you’re running a slight temperature; only a degree or so, but it’s unusual for you. Let me check your blood pressure.”

Tony shucked off his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt cuff and rolled up his sleeve. “Go ahead. I don’t mind as long as you don’t whip out a needle. I had enough of them when I broke my leg back in college.”

“Ah, yes,” Ducky said, wrapping the cuff around Tony’s arm and squeezing the rubber bulb. “An unfortunate loss for the world of professional sports, but our very fortunate gain. Hm, it appears as though your blood pressure is fine, maybe even a little lower than normal. Are you eating properly?”

“Not really been hungry for the past few days,” Tony said. “Must be the thrill of the chase, or something. All that adrenaline.”

Ducky removed the blood pressure cuff and folded it up. “Or caffeine,” he said disapprovingly.

“Nope, in fact I think I’ve probably drunk at least a gallon of fruit juice,” Tony confessed, but he refused to meet the ME’s eyes.

Ducky gave him a sharp look. “Might I remind you that whatever you tell me, I am bound by doctor-patient confidentiality to keep to myself? If you are concerned that I will disclose your secrets to Gibbs, you need not be.”

Tony sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I’m going to need a couple of days off,” he said quietly. “I, ah… I forgot to take my heat suppressants with me, and I forgot to check my hormone levels until this morning.” He stared down at where his hands gripped the edge of the metal slab.

After a moment, Ducky put a careful hand on his shoulder. “Oh, my boy. You’re an Omega?”

“Yeah.”

“I suppose you’re well aware of how rare male Omegas are,” Ducky said. He gave Tony’s shoulder a squeeze, then moved away to find his notepad. “Fewer than one percent of the population is known to have Cyclical Polyestrous Syndrome, and of those, maybe ninety percent are women.”

“Lucky me,” Tony said bitterly.

“Do you need me to write you a prescription for any medication?” Ducky asked as he jotted down a note for Tony’s file.

“No, I’m good, thanks. There’s a clinic a few blocks over; I get my meds from there, and they do my birth control implant too, every three months,” Tony said. “After the first time I went into heat at seventeen, I made sure I was covered. Never wanted to do this again.”

Ducky winced. “Yes, by all accounts it isn’t pleasant when you’re left to go through it on your own. Is there anyone you can call to come and help you out?”

“Nope,” Tony said. He rolled his sleeve down and put his jacket back on. “It isn’t like you can go around asking guys if they’re Alphas, is it? I mean, that’d just get awkward. They’d think I was a knot freak, or something.”

“Yes, I can see that would be difficult,” the ME conceded. “Will you need me to check up on you?”

“No! Really, I’ll be fine,” Tony said. “I’ll just go home and lock myself in my bedroom for a couple of days and I’ll be back to normal before you know it.” His smile was less than convincing, but Ducky let it go.

“All right, if you say so. But should you need anything at all, call me,” he insisted, his tone firm. “And take this.” He handed over a new, unopened tube of lubricant and Tony flushed. “Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.”

Tony hurried over to his bag, burying the tube under dirty clothes. “Thanks, Ducky. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

“Will you be okay to drive yourself home?” the ME asked, just as the door swept open and Gibbs stalked in.

“No need, I’ll take him.”

Tony straightened. “Boss, I’ll be fine. There’s plenty to catch up on here, no need to worry about me.”

“You’re sending him home, Duck?” Gibbs asked, ignoring his agent’s protests.

“I’ve signed him off duty for at least the next two days,” the ME confirmed. “He should be fine with a little time to rest and recover.”

Gibbs gave a sharp nod. “That’s what I thought. Come on DiNozzo, you going to stand around all day?”

“Boss!” Tony protested, but Gibbs was already on his way out of the room, leaving the younger man to scramble after him.

The ME watched them go and shook his head. “I’m not at all sure that’s such a good idea.”

***

The car purred out of the Yard as Gibbs turned it in the direction of his subordinate’s apartment. He sniffed. “You showered?”

Tony slunk down in his seat, bringing one long leg up and wrapping his arms around his knee. “Nope. Went straight to Ducky.”

“Huh,” Gibbs said, glancing over at his agent, taking in the defensive position. They drove the next mile in silence, before Gibbs asked, “What’s going on, Tony?”

The young man shivered. “Just, yanno, got a bug. I’ll be fine.”

“Really.” Gibbs’ tone conveyed his disbelief, but he concentrated on driving as he navigated the busy streets around the Yard.

Tony sighed and let his leg drop back to the floor and his head to the headrest. “Yeah. Long few days.”

Gibbs drove in silence for a few blocks, then said, “Bullshit.”

Tony’s head jerked up and he glared at the older man. “What the hell?”

“You’ve been out longer than that,” Gibbs said scornfully. “It isn’t as though you haven’t done your share of undercover work, or chased down bad guys for longer than a couple of days before now.”

“Yeah, well, when I’m working for Plague Central…” Tony said, staring out of the side window.

Gibbs huffed a laugh. “C’mon, DiNozzo, what’s going on?” He turned off into the series of side-streets leading to Tony’s apartment complex.

Tony growled. “God, why does everything have to be a conspiracy with you?”

“Not a conspiracy until it’s three people or more,” Gibbs said, negotiating the narrow entrance to the parking lot. “Which in this case, would be the Unity Clinic, Ducky, and you.” He pulled into an empty parking spot.

Tony sagged, pushing the heel of his hand against his eyes. After a moment, he straightened up, and glared at his boss. “Fine!” he snapped, fumbling with the catch of his seatbelt. “I’m an Omega.” He climbed out as his boss gaped at him. “There isn’t a box for intersex on the recruitment form. So. Now you know. I’ll keep it under better control from now on.” He hefted his go-bag and turned towards the building.

Gibbs scrambled out of the car and hurried to catch up to his subordinate. “Shit! Tony, I didn’t…”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t usually make a difference. It won’t again,” Tony said without looking back.

“No, it won’t,” Gibbs said, shadowing him up the stairs and down the corridor until they got to Tony’s apartment. As Tony unlocked the door and strode in, he followed before the door had chance to close, then took a moment to deadlock the door and drop the chain.

Tony kicked off his shoes and turned to look at his uninvited houseguest. “What the hell?”

Gibbs leaned back against the door and attempted to look unthreatening. “I’m an Alpha.” Tony staggered back a couple of steps and stared at him. “Really.” Apparently his tone was enough to get through; Tony shook his head, then stepped sideways and sat down on the couch.

“Fuck you, Gibbs,” Tony said, his voice dull.

“I was thinking maybe you needed me to fuck you,” Gibbs said carefully. “But if you’re sure…”

There was a long pause and then Tony sighed. “You wouldn’t joke about something like that.”

“No.”

“You’re really an Alpha.”

“Yeah.”

Tony lifted his head and looked Gibbs in the eye. “Well, fuck me.”

“Never thought you’d ask,” Gibbs said, with a grin. “You want dinner first?”

Tony rolled his neck left, then right, then climbed gracefully to his feet. “Nope,” he grinned. “Got something else in mind.”

Gibbs found himself smiling in response, a feral grin that promised teeth and flesh and naked bodies getting intimately acquainted. “Good.”

With a roll of his eyes, Tony stepped towards his bedroom door. “C’mon then. If you’re coming.” At Gibbs’ eyeroll, he added, “And I’m sure you will be…” and Gibbs laughed and followed him into the bedroom. The following minutes were a blur of stripping off suits that had been worn too long until at last Tony stood naked in front of his bed.

Gibbs eyed him, taking in the long, lean thighs and muscled shoulders. He opened his mouth to say something, but Tony grinned and dropped a full tube of lubricant onto the pillow. “C’mon, marine,” Tony said, his voice husky.

Gibbs tackled him onto the bed, his hands wrapped around Tony’s biceps and his legs around Tony’s thighs. Tony laughed, exhilarated, even as Gibbs ran a hand down his chest and abdomen to his dick. He gasped, then laughed again as Gibbs wrapped his fist around Tony’s dick and stroked it firmly a couple of times, before letting go and reaching behind his balls.

“You ready for me?” Gibbs asked, his voice low and husky.

“God, I’ve been ready forever,” Tony said, breathless, his voice still warm with humor. He raised a hand and cupped Gibbs’ cheek. “Fuck me, boss.”

Gibbs stroked his fingertips over Tony’s anus, which unfurled at his touch. “Not sure this is in the job description.” He slipped an unlubed finger inside. “God, you’re wet,” he said in surprise. “I didn’t…”

Tony grinned, his teeth bright in the dim light of the bedroom. “Never been with an Omega, huh?”

Gibbs felt his cheeks coloring. “Never been with a guy.”

“You’re doing fine so far,” Tony said, then pulled him down and kissed him thoroughly, his mouth opening to let Gibbs in, let him plunder and take and taste, just as Tony’s body opened around his fingers, the heat preparing him to receive an Alpha, glands activating after years of disuse to render him slick and open. Gibbs knew that somewhere buried deep inside, a knot of muscle had loosened, giving narrow access to the uterus that was oddly situated in all Omega males.

Breaking away from the addictive taste of Tony’s mouth, Gibbs asked, “You on birth control?”

The corner of Tony’s mouth curled in a wry smile. “Yeah, ever since I found out what I am. Got an implant.”

“Good,” Gibbs said, shoving into Tony’s body with two fingers, making the younger man writhe and moan underneath him. “Clean?”

“Hell, yeah,” Tony gasped. “God, are all marines this slow to follow orders?”

“Oorah,” Gibbs grinned, pulling his fingers free and wrapping them round his cock. He guided it to Tony’s entrance and pushed in in one long, wordless thrust. Sliding his arm underneath Tony’s knee, he spread the younger man open and, not giving him time to adjust, fucked him steadily with short, hard jabs as Tony howled underneath him.

“Fuck, yes!” Tony shouted, hands grabbing at Gibbs’ ass and pulling him in harder. “More! Move, goddammit!”

With a snarl, Gibbs surged forwards, his hips snapping hard and fast, driving his cock deep into Tony’s ass. “Enough for ya?” He could feel his knot beginning to bulge, swelling rapidly until with one final thrust he locked tight into Tony’s channel, the guardian muscle clenching around the base of his cock, holding the bulk of his knot in place, and the tip of his cock just brushing the opening to Tony’s uterus. “Shit!”

“Oh, god, Gibbs! That feels… God!” Tony bared his teeth in a grimace, his head straining backwards, displaying all the tendons in his throat.

Gibbs growled and bit down over Tony’s jugular, sucking at the pulse-point even as his tongue flattened against the salt-sweat skin. With his free hand, he gripped Tony’s prick and jerked him roughly three, four times, then Tony came undone around him and that was enough to send him over the edge, pulsing into that tight wet heat.

Some time later, when they could breathe again, Gibbs turned his head to rest against Tony’s shoulder. “Enough for ya?”

Tony was boneless, spread out underneath him and utterly relaxed. “Mm. Points for effort.” He huffed a laugh as Gibbs cuffed the side of his head, slow and gentle with afterglow. “It’ll do for now. Should’ve brought in some water, though.”

“Yeah, probably,” Gibbs agreed, breathing in the warm, rich scent of his subordinate’s throat. “Be a while yet.”

“And by a while, you mean…” Tony prompted, cracking open an eyelid to look down at him.

“Dunno, mostly I don’t knot up,” Gibbs confessed. “Takes something extra to get it going.”

“But when you do,” Tony said, “is it, what, five minutes, or are we talking an hour here?”

“Twenty minutes,” Gibbs said. “Maybe thirty. Like I said, never done this before. Long enough for a nap, anyway,” he said, his voice hitching as his dick twitched inside Tony, letting out another slow pulse of semen.

“Is that so?” Tony said, his voice already slurring.

“Mm,” Gibbs said, and let the slow rise and fall of the broad chest beneath him lull him into sleep.