Hellish Friendship Bracelet

Status:
  • Complete
Content Rating:
  • PG-13
Fandom(s):
Antler Guy

Relationship(s):
Antler Guy & Neighbor Steve Friendship

Warning(s):
  • No Beta
  • Violence - Canon-Level
Genre(s):
  • Crack
  • Supernatural
Word Count:
697

Author's Note:
The Antler Guy and Neighbor Steve fandom sprung up from a picture post on Tumblr. Check there for more on the fandom.

Summary:
Wasn’t that a kick in the pants, best friends with an ancient terror and that wasn’t even the weirdest part of Steve’s life in the slice of hell known as suburbia. Response to the "gun" prompt at the Rough Trade Forum.


 

It could be said that Steve was a little too fond of guns. He had grown up with his Grandfather and Uncles taking him out target practicing almost every weekend and more often during the summers and on holidays. He had, in fact, become something of a sharp shooter at the time, and though middle age and a job in middle management had slowed him down a bit, he still owned several weapons which he kept in his gun safe.

All his present weapons were of great quality of course, but nothing flashy. You didn’t need mother of pearl inlay on the handles to get the job done after all. Take his trusty shotgun, it wasn’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination but he’d never failed to hit whatever he aimed it at either.

Then there was the revolver in the just opened gift box on his knees. Deadly, most certainly but also beautiful in a way that simply wasn’t from this plane of existence.

The dark metal seemed to pull all the light to itself much like a black hole, yet also seemed to glow, pulsing, like a heart. The beautiful yet horrifying engravings along the barrel seemed to ripple, twist, and snake away as he tried to study them.

Then there was the gleaming handgrip. Bone of some sort was his best guess, though considering the gift giver it was probably best not to speculate on the origin. The inlay of metal and stone was of a flaming hellhound, giant carnivorous tulip, and a small yet psychotic Persian cat.

Steve was rather touched by the inclusion of Clifford, Aubergine, and Fluffy. Further proof that either Antler Guy had created the weapon himself or had it custom made for Steve.

Steve looked up, and up, and up at his very tall next door neighbor, noticing the rather nervous tilt of his antlers and eye sockets.

“DO YOU NOT LIKE IT NEIGHBOR STEVE? YOU HAVE SHOWN A GREAT FONDNESS FOR FIREARMS BEFORE NOW SO I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE AN APPROPRIATE GIFT TO COMMEMORATE OUR FRIENDSHIP AND YOUR NEW EMPLOYMENT.”

Steve blinked.  It’s not every day a giant being made up of metal, poisonous plants, bone, antler, and soul-rending terror gave you a gift. Apparently, this was the hellish version of a friendship bracelet.

“It’s an amazing gift Antler Guy, thank you.” Steve rushed to reassure his otherworldly companion. “I was just surprised to receive such a gift from you out of the blue.”

“IT HAS BEEN ONE YEAR IN THE EARTH PLANE SINCE WE FIRST BECAME FRIENDS NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Antler the first time I saw you I screamed and shot you 6 times. Also every time I saw you after that. For three months.”

“YOU USUALLY MISSED MY NEXUS OF UNHOLY POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM NEIGHBOR STEVE. ON OCCASION WHEN YOU DID NOT I REFORMED ON THE RISING OF THE MOON.” Amusement laced the booming voice.

“BECOMING THE EXTRA-PLANER LIAISON IS NOT WITHOUT RISK NEIGHBOR STEVE. NOT ALL BEINGS WOULD HOLD STILL TO LET YOU SHOOT THEM. WITH THIS WEAPON ONE SHOT NO MATTER WHERE YOU HIT SHOULD COMPLETELY DISRUPT THE NEXUS OF POWER.”

“That sounds dangerous.”

“ONCE THE BLOODSTONES TASTE OF YOUR BLOOD NO ONE ELSE WILL BE ABLE TO USE THE WEAPON NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“I meant dangerous to you Antler Guy.”

“NEIGHBOR STEVE I KNOW YOU WOULD NOT WISH TO HARM ME ANY LONGER. FOR ARE WE NOT FRIENDS?”

There was an unsure note to the last.

“Yes, yes we are,” Steve once again reassured his friend. Wasn’t that a kick in the pants, best friends with an ancient terror and that wasn’t even the weirdest part of Steve’s life in the slice of hell known as suburbia.

“How about I fire up the grill and throw on the unclean flesh meats of pigs?  I’m sure Sharon can come up with a few side dishes and I wouldn’t say no if Hellwife wanted to bring some of her special brownies.”

“I WOULD LIKE THAT NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

Steve nodded and went off to secure his new gun before starting dinner with what was apparently his self-appointed BFF and their families.

 

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Azure Hart

Official Doom Dick and Penis Copter Collector. Also, my give-a-fuck starved to death in the 80's on an otherwise unremarkable Tuesday, and I've owned slash goggles since Starsky and Hutch were on the air.

3 Comments:

  1. Antler guy and steve is great.

  2. Oh. My. I knew it rang a bell, so I googled it and yep, it was what I was thinking. *mad cackling* This is GREAT, it made my morning. Thank you so much for posting!

  3. So good!

Don't be an asshole!

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